3.25.2005

and i'm saying that nothing in the past or future will feel like today...

I can't stop listening to Bright Eyes. I'm paralyzed by whining and crying.

I'm also at work and I have 15 minutes of downtime before i leave (not enough to do anything remotely useful,) so why not post?

We have beautiful almost spring weather in Boston today. Wet and quasi warm. I’m going to stop by whole foods get some soy milk and make myself a chai latte and have a big salad on my front porch when I get home. Yummy yummy.

This week feels so short and so long. I feel like Friday is premature, BUT last Monday is an ocean and a continent a way, at least.

Pete, yes the one and only, most notably recently cast as my exboyfriend, came to Boston last weekend and stayed through Tuesday. What can I say? Wonderful to see him in way that I will never be able to describe.

Clarity and I talk a lot about 2 concepts. (1) The idea that sometimes you have to play the game (appear disinterested) and (2) if you CAN box and label you emotions and feelings about people/situations and leave them on interior shelves forever.

I think we're both bullshit. You need to be honest (with yourself and, really everyone in the room, everyone connected to your heartstrings); both to avoid being at fault for breaking your heartstrings as well as to be a good person. Additionally, you can't box shit. Those feeling will always be there, ignoring them will just leave you bewildered later on.

i overdrew my checking account by $3! so aggravating! the bank should note that it was clearly a math error and not charge me $27 for the priviledge of being stupid.

welcome to the weekend my loves. All the best.

3.17.2005

two great tastes, together at last...

i skipped the co-op meeting was supposed to go to in favor of walking up the street to starbucks. hopefully none of my indie-street-cred is undermined by my starbucks dependence. if everyone had a toffee-nut option i wouldn't struggle.

sometimes it's good to spend time alone. other times you have no choice and you make the best of it. i think the trick to graceful loneliness is dependant on the appearance that you're choosing to be alone. (i believe this is accomplished by not crying in public. ha ha ha.)

today Boston is sunny and semi warm. i went for a walk across campus, and while i was walking, i swear i smelled mud. you know how you can count on spring when you smell mud, and new grass? well, my dear, spring is lurking, only a matter of time until it's sprung.

by the way, happy st.Patrick's day. i elected not to wear green. but i think i'm going to go get wasted face at a non-collegey bar where NO GREEN BEER IS SERVED, in celebration and defiance of holidays that support nationalism.

(there are 58 days until i leave for japan.)

3.15.2005

this is going to get old, really quickly

the girl I work with at my lame ass work study job got engaged over the weekend, which means when I’m not doing menial and ridiculous office work, we talk wedding. Now I know that I’m a 23 year old girl, so wedding-talk is supposed to be pretty high on my to-do list, however, I’m kind of sort of not in the mood.

Not that I’ve ever been of the wedding-enthusiastic persuasion. If we all remember the catastrophe of my participation in my sister’s wedding. And I really thought that was all about me not liking my sister’s fiancée/husband. As it turns out, I just think marriage is an ass idea. (No need for you to point out, dear dear reader, that once I’m feeling the crunch of age that I’ll no doubt be hustling down any aisle with any semi-eligible bachelor. I maintain that I will hang onto my values forever, and if I do decide to get married, I’d prefer ridiculously self indulgent Cuba-beach & booze private wedding (who needs to be there besides me?) to ridiculously self indulgent public display of affection party from hell featuring BRIDEZILLA (cast as me) and my whole feuding family, not to mention someone else’s relatives.)

Just seems like a bad idea.

School’s boring and I have SO much work to do today…hopefully, I’ll get on that.

3.13.2005

pre-ides of march blues

sometimes people owe you money, and you want to ask for it, but dignity prevents you from reaching out and being entitled. I'm super hung up on Bright Eyes right now. and although I'm poor in an unimaginable empty hand to empty mouth way, i ordered three books this afternoon. one of no interest (l-school bullshit), The New York Trilogy, and Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans. I have plenty to read, but you need to spend $25 to qualify for free shipping, hence the perpetual book buying nonsense.

I've wasted the weekend. Although i had the most amazing Friday ever, Angharad and Vanessa had Sanni and i over for dinner. and we had steak. and it's amazing, but nothing like the carnivors describe. A&V are an amazing couple. like nothing I've ever seen. just real warmth and understanding. Not even the kind that inspires jealousy of the, "why is my life so empty?" persuasion. The kind of relationship that makes you feel alive and loved by osmosis. wrapped up in luck for having such amazing people in proximity.

i filed my FAFSA today, so as soon as i finish my school aid form i should be right on track for borrowing MORE MORE MORE MORE money. (yay). might make soup later. or do homework. Whatever. Whatever. digital cable (and all 46 of my HBOs) is ruining my life, so i might not have time for soup OR homework. god knows what might be on tv on Sunday.

3.08.2005

crazy lizard, it's spring!

I’m making chili because I’m FREEZING. And I just turned the hear up past 62 degrees, and when Katherine comes home she’s going to complain about me wasting heat. BUT I’M NOT WASTING IT!! IT’S MAKING ME WARM!!

I was thinking yesterday morning and this morning that spring was finally here, I could feel it in the rain; the way the air was wet and warm like an aquarium. But then it got hella cold and now there’s an ice storm. Thanks, Boston, I appreciate surprises.

Nevertheless, I have faith that spring is coming. And everything is looking up. And I’m making chili. All is well.

Spring break’s over and that’s bad, I’m 23, and no longer a tot, and that’s bad, but spring break was wonderful (with a few exceptions: DOG EATS CIGARETTES, LIFE DISSAPOINTS) but otherwise a magical experience. So good to see Lana (not to mention my family, Jenn, Sarah, Ralph, Vanessa, etc.)

Back in Boston now, for the duration. But a couple highlights. I was impressed with Boston’s majesty for the first time, we had dinner and drinks at the Hub for my birthday, on Monday. Not only do they have AMAZING martinis, but the Hub is at the top of the Prudential Center, and it has wrap around windows, so you can really appreciate Boston. And for the first time in a long time, it seemed like a city without limits.

Special thanks to sanni for putting it all together, and to all the honey loves that came out for me. Besos, besos.

Additionally in the highlights section: I BOUGHT TICKETS TO JAPAN!! I’m going from May 15 until May 29 (the entirety of my ‘summer’ vacation). And I really couldn’t be more thrilled, literally, I’m going to crush every bone in Clarity’s body, fold her into my suitcase, and bring her home. (not her home, my home. Bwa ha ha ha).

3.01.2005

Prostitutes are cheaper than wives

merry merry march! i'm taking a break from my criminal law outline to update ye olde blog. now i don't know if it was simply the death of February and the promise of spring in 3 WEEKS, or some quality time with a novel, a lot of wine and enough sleep to shake the possibility of hangovers, BUT i am feeling much much better than i've felt in months. much much better. it might just be being home. or the possibility remains that being home reminds me, "at least i don't live here. and teach english at Garfield High." WHICH is NOT TO SAY that teaching isn't noble, and perhaps preferable to my overly sought overly granted JD HOWEVER, living in VA, with MY parents, teaching english to kids who would hate me (because i'm genius (wink wink)) would probably suck my soul out faster that a C&D. (ha ha ha abortion joke.)

Supreme Court made the state's right to kill kids illegal. so that's nice. Scalia, bless his heart, wrote a 24 page dissent. They did use funny logic, and so his dissent harps on their justification that the public want us to stop sentencing kids to death. (if the people wanted to stop sentencing kids to death, the public wouldn't sit still for it. clearly though, everyone is crazy and wants everyone else to die.) and if the court is guarding against majoritairian oppression is the court doing it's job by sidestepping the legislature, doing what the people want before the people do it? Probably not. The way we, socially, as evidenced by our laws, think kids can't consent to sex, but CAN make an informed decision to murder that would be punished by death seems like a more compelling argument. But nevertheless. That's 70 less children America is going to Systematically murder. Pretty fucking hott. HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOUSSEF!!! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

related comments: people keep wishing me a happy birthday. Several people. Which is appropriate b/c my birthday is up and coming.. But i get the impression that people think it's RIGHT NOW, or has been. Not the case people. Consult the stars, my bday is DAYS away.

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